So, I’ve been drawn into a very interesting and thought provoking discussion in the comments over at the post Thai Girls – What You Should Know!. While some points are valid I think that some of the typical stereotypes of Thai-Farang relationships are being pulled out and dragged around. Anyway, I didn’t think it was fair to leave the discussion buried at the bottom of that posts comments because it really has become quite interesting and I think bringing it to light can encourage more discussion. So, you’ll have to head over to the post to read through the last few comments and then you can come back over here to read my response.

@Leah – Honestly part of the personality traits that are attractive is that they know how to “take care of men” as you say. You make it sound like such a negative thing, but when I say it what I really mean is that they know how to make their husbands happy. This does not just encompass “taking care of them” in the conventional sense of cooking, cleaning, etc. It’s more that they are willing to do those small things that keep their husbands/boyfriends happy. And let’s face it, guys are pretty simple and easy to please when it comes right down to it. I don’t think it all boils down to subservience either, because my wife is certainly not subservient. Our relationship is built on mutual trust, communication and a solid commitment to do those things that will make the other happy. I’m sorry, but I never found that amongst all the Western women I dated. I am not going to get into a discussion about feminism in the West here, but if you are wondering about the large number of Western men that you see with Thais then maybe you should start by looking closer to home and finding out why these men are not in a relationship with women from their own culture.

I’ve seen the article you posted and I can’t really comment on what’s happening in that town as I’ve never been to Ubon Ratchathani, nor do I know anyone who lives there. I will grant that many Thais in general do not speak English well, but some do. My wife happens to be among that group. I have to agree with you that without that level of communication there is little basis for a relationship, however I have seen Western couples who speak the same language who have absolutely no communication as well. And I have to ask at this point, what qualifies you to decide what is a “real relationship”? You refer to the pairings being fueled by Western mens desire to be taken care of and yet when I read the article it seems to me as if the relationships depicted in this article are fueled more by the desires of the Thai women. I can say I do feel that the men could do more to try and learn their wives language and culture, but some do and at the end of the day it’s up to each person to choose their own path.

Now, to disabuse you of the notions you put forth in your last paragraph. As to ” pamper them and take care of them with little or no back talk” I can assure you that is not the case in my relationship and I would be surprised to find out that it’s the case in many other Thai/Foreigner relationships. Thai women are simply not the meek things you seem to want to portray them as. Are they feminine – yes. Are they selfless – yes. Do they take care of the household and their families – yes. Do they simply bow to the wishes of their husbands – no. Do they pamper their husbands – no. Do they stand up for their own wishes and desires – yes.

I’m sure there are couple’s where the women does everything the man asks and pampers him and doesn’t speak up for herself. You don’t have to go to Thailand to see that, you can see it in any country, city or town. Obviously I can only speak from my own experience, but in no way is my wife meek and docile. On the contrary, she is very strong willed, opinionated and out spoken. And I prefer it that way because otherwise I wouldn’t have a partner in my marriage, I would have a caregiver. You say that I subconsciously think that the Thai women are not my equals because I refer to them as girls, but if that’s the case I must have some serious war going on with my subconscious because I do everything in the home that my wife does, with the exception of breastfeeding the baby. I cook, clean, do laundry and go for groceries. Anything and everything is split, probably not equally, because she is better at some things and I am better at others, but we do try to keep things fair at least. Sometimes I am tired from work and she does more than me, but then other times she is tired and I do more. And in every case we try to think about the other person and what they want or need. Isn’t that how a marriage is supposed to be? Two people looking out for each other, sharing their lives and taking care of each other?

And just to be clear, I do not consider men and women to be equal any more than I consider oranges and pineapples to be equal. They are not. They are different and they have different characteristics, traits, strengths and weaknesses. That is not to say that both men and women don’t deserve equal treatment because they do, just as any human deserves to be treated equally, but they are not equal because they are fundamentally different I think in the way they view the world and interact with others. There is a crucial difference in saying that the two genders deserve equal treatment and saying that the two genders are equal.

I would be glad to start referring to these women as women and as you can see I already have in my response to you. It’s all just an exercise in semantics anyway. You can only be offended by the term because of the perceptions that you bring to it. I hope next time you are in Thailand you take the time to speak to some of these mixed culture couples and come back and let me know what you find out because even though I am in one I know that every couple is different just as every person is different.